Why chasing balance leads to burnout

And what "choosing calm" really means

Hey, brandcrafter, I’m so thrilled to be back and sharing these little notes, insights, and tips with you.

If you’ve been here for a while, you might have noticed I took some time off.

The month-long vacation to London gave me perspective and space that I’ve been craving since I last took a vacation 13 years ago.

(Don’t worry; it won’t take another 13 years to get away again!)

And since I got back and feeling the need to “get back on track,” I’ve found I was trying to do all the things — running my business, being a parent, getting my life together, work on healing — at the same time and in equal measure.

(In other words, find balance.)

And in the past week, I’ve stopped.

Balance — as we usually think about it — doesn’t exist.

Think about in your own life and business during times of calm and of chaos.

During the calm times, you’re still productive, in flow, and doing things you love.

Calm doesn’t mean inaction. It means being fully connected and engaged in what you love doing.

And during times of chaos, sometimes it doesn’t matter how much or little you have on your to-do list. It could be one thing, but that one thing could be so overwhelming, so overstimulating that it causes chaos, whether internal, external, or both. And chaos leads to burnout.

I’ve noticed this happens most when I’m doing too many of the things I “need” to do and not enough of the things that bring me joy.

(And maybe this is a human thing, but I’ve noticed this happens most with neurospicy people. Also, why are dishes so hard to do??)

So I’ve decided to stop trying to find balance and instead practice calmness.

(And I do believe it’s a practice instead of something we can find outside of ourselves.)

Here’s what I’ve been contemplating on calmness and balance. Maybe you’ll relate to these too.

• Balance is something that’s individual and shifts during different seasons of our life. It doesn’t mean 50/50, and it’s not universal.

During seasons of explosive creativity and flow in our business, we may feel balanced and in flow when we’re devoting more time on creative tasks because it’s where we’re drawn to.

(It’s when we hear messages that we shouldn’t work so much and should close our laptop promptly at 5pm, whether we want to or not, that brings us doubt and shame.)

Other times, we may feel out of balance when we work long hours when we’d rather be spending more time with family and friends or pursuing a hobby, so even though we’re doing the same amount of work, it may feel off in ways we can’t really define.

I think of this in terms of: “Am I doing what I really want to do or am I doing something that society says I should be doing?”

• Choosing calm is more about our current priorities and values.

It’s the mismatch of action and priorities that, for me at least, leads to this feeling of imbalance, friction, and chaos.

And when I don’t spend time sitting down and really thinking about what my priorities are, it feels like I’m aimless and running on autopilot. I’m going through the motions, but I’m not really connected.

(And I’ll be a little contrarian and say that going through the motions to get a task done is okay. Sometimes we just have to do the work, even if we’re not feeling ultra-inspired in the moment because that’s how we can grow. But going through life like this all the time isn’t the goal.)

During the last couple weeks, I’ve felt pulled in so many directions, and I felt like everything was a priority.

(By the way, this is super common in folks with ADHD, so you’re not alone if you struggle with prioritizing!)

But progress — and feeling calm while in a season of growth — is not so much about figuring out the right priority as it is about choosing something and honoring that choice.

It’s easy to get caught in decision fatigue and paralysis trying to figure out what the “right” priority we should choose.

• When we’ve lived in the chaos (or inner imbalance) for so long, we need to go through an awakening.

I like to think of this as checking in with ourselves, and this takes conscious intention (and time to pause).

This is about being a conscious architect of our lives and awakening to our habits, routines, and thoughts — and how these fit in with our priorities.

And what I found out was that my habits and thoughts weren’t fully aligned with my values.

My top 3 values are connection, creativity, and learning — and doing each of these courageously and with curiosity. I need all these to feel alive and engaged.

And I noticed I stopped writing for the joy of writing (I stopped writing to you each week and my Morning Pages practice), reading and learning, and consistently connecting with others.

In other words, I was clear on my priority (the what), but I wasn’t pursuing it in a way that was aligned with my values (the how).

This was the awakening I needed so I could consciously choose a different path that’d bring in more calmness, joy, and flow — while still reaching my goals.

(To be more aligned, I’ve reconsidered how I approach work, and I’ve scheduled tasks that support my goals and values. Things like reading and taking time to synthesize my thoughts + blocking off an hour each day to write + engaging in my Facebook group.)

Are you struggling to prioritize or even understanding what that means? Here’s a short video by How to ADHD that’ll help.

Here are some practical questions to ponder to help you courageously choose calmness:

• How do you perceive calmness? Do you feel resistance and think you can’t be both calm and productive?

• Are you consciously creating in your life or are you running on autopilot? Are you responding to everyone else’s urgent demands or are you creating space for what you want?

• Are you clear on which area of your life (and/or business) needs your attention and what your priority is? (And are you okay choosing this priority, even though it might not make sense to others?)

• What do you deeply value that makes you feel alive? How do you like to engage with the world?

• Are you pursuing your priority in a way that’s aligned with your values? Or are you pursuing it how others tell you that you “should?”

• Do you intentionally give yourself space to process, reflect, and create?

• What are some habits or actions you can integrate in your life + business to feel calm while still pursuing your goals?

I’d love to hear from you to share more relevant content.

What’s your current priority in your business and brandcrafting process?

Hit the button below to leave a comment and let me know!

With courage and curiosity,

Cat

PS In case you missed it up there, I have a super new Facebook group for neurospicy creatives who want to brand with courage. I’d love to see you in there!